Tag: football

Superb Owl League Cancels Its February 11 National Event

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February 10, 2024 – 6:45 AM CDT

The Superb Owl League has canceled its annual celebration of the well-known and popular bird of prey. SOL President Frank Greathorn made the last-minute announcement just a day before the grand gathering was set to take place just outside Las Vegas, Nevada, on February 11. “To my fellow members of SOL, there is no other way to put it: we are truly shit-out-of-luck,” Greathorn sighed. “The Budget 5 Motel informed us that it was raising their room rate to $1555.55 per night for the weekend due to some other event happening in Las Vegas on Sunday. I knew this would not fly with our parliament of owl lovers.” Greathorn was puzzled when he found every hotel and motel within 100 miles was completely booked. “Who wants to go anywhere but a Caribbean island on a weekend in February?” he asked no one in particular, while shaking his head.

SOL Secretary Andrea “Snowy” Wheitoul noted that in the ’50s and early ’60s, their gala event was always a smashing success. She noted that they haven’t had a trouble-free Superb Owl Sunday gathering in more than fifty years even after changing the date from early- to mid- to late-January over the years, before settling on the first Sunday in February almost 20 years ago. In 2022 SOL made the bold step to move the signature event out one more week to avoid further problems, but still they persisted. “Who is to blame for our string of bad luck, I wonder. Who?”

At press time a flabbergasted Greathorn was receiving offers on craigslist of nearly $3000 for his Kansas-City-to-Las-Vegas roundtrip ticket.

Thomas Bradey To Join UMass 2022 Football Spring Newcomers Squad

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AMHERST – University of Massachusetts Athletics announced today that Thomas Bradey of Tampa, Fla. is the latest recruit to its 2022 Football Spring Newcomers Squad, joining the thirteen players already named. Bradey was discovered during a football camp for high school students held by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Fellow participants in the camp universally agreed that Bradey was the best player among all of them and said that they learned a lot from him.

UMass Minutemen scout Colin Moriartey was impressed with Bradey’s standout skills, even though he was concerned that Bradey’s passing success seemed to hinge on getting to know his favorite receiver well. Moriartey was also concerned that Bradey looked a bit old to be a high school senior, but wrote it off to hard work on the gridiron. He said he would have liked to hear the opinion of Bucs QB Tom Brady on Bradey’s skills and prospects for the future, surmising that Brady probably had to cancel his attendance at the camp due to his recent announcement to retire from football. Still, Moriartey went ahead and offered Bradey a full scholarship contigent on his joining the football team.

The Massachusetts Daily Collegian student newspaper prematurely reported that Bradey accepted the offer to attend and play football for the university, but at the time Bradey quickly corrected them. “I’m still going through the process,” and “I think when the time’s right, I’ll be ready to make a decision one way or another,” he said.

Minutemen Head Coach Don Brown was reportedly thrilled to have Bradey on his team, saying, “This kid has the potential to become the Greatest Of All Time.”