Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’s nearly permanent resting bitch face can be attributed to botox treatments paid for by a wealthy GOP donor, said a source from Thomas’s office who requested anonymity because they were not authorized to speak on the matter. The source added that Thomas’s RBF took hold during his confirmation hearings in 1991 after he had a hearty laugh in his office over the pubic-hair-on-the-Coke-can accusation by Anita Hill.
In a tell-all interview, the confidential source provided more details. Over the years Thomas watched hundreds of hours of America’s Top Model to perfect his RBF by carefully studying Tyra Banks. He had little difficulty maintaining his well crafted visage until Donald Trump became president and packed the court with far right conservatives.
The success of the right wing agenda at the court, most notable the invalidation of the Roe v. Wade decision, apparently put a strain on Thomas to maintain his resting bitch face. Thomas made it known among his circle of supporters that he would be seeking botox treatments to relax his facial muscles from forming a smile. A GOP evangelical Christian billionaire, invested heavily in private for-profit healthcare, oil and gas exploration, charter schools, importation of Russian vodka, and who is a personal friend of David Duke, quickly stepped forward to offer to pay for Thomas’s ongoing treatments. A spokesman for Thomas apologized on his behalf for not listing the payments as a gift on his tax returns saying that IRS rules were far too complicated for a Supreme Court justice to understand. The spokeman also related that there were no expectations attached to the as-yet-unidentifed donor’s generous and unsolicited payments.
At press time, Thomas’s wife Ginni could be heard musing out loud that perhaps botox could help her if she happened to ever be called as to testify in something like “oh, I don’t know, maybe an election tampering case.”