THE FIERY UNDERWORLD – Satan has extended an offer to Russian President Vladimir Putin to be his new right hand man in Hell. If Putin accepts, Saddam Hussein would be relegated to just another tortured soul in the vast sea of flames, along with other fired assistants such as Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Idi Amin.
Satan explained his choice, saying, “Putin has shown what a truly evil-to-the-core piece of shit he is by his brutal attacks in Aleppo and Chechnya and now Ukraine. He is the 21st century’s embodiment of the absolutely worst characteristics a human being could possibly have.” He continued, “The atrocities he has committed most recently in Ukraine against civilians, bombing their schools, hospitals, and apartment buildings, and his use of horrific, inhumane weapons like cluster, incendiary, and vacuum bombs make him someone that I, The Prince of Darkness and Personification of All Evil, truly admire.”
Breaking into a wide sinister grin, Satan laughed saying that the Earthly world has a done quite well in sending sadistic paranoid war criminals with visions of grandeur his way, and that’s he looking forward to meeting Putin in person. Satan shared that he’ll be getting a kick out of Putin whining about being only number 2 in Hades. “Vlad will be shirtless, but he won’t be riding horses down here!” sneered The Evil One.
At press time, Satan was sending a couple of his best devils to Earth to “accelerate” Putin’s descent.
Author’s notes: My heart is filled with sadness for those in Ukraine who have been killed, injured, lost family members and friends, been displaced from their homes, and have had to witness the brutal destruction around them, due to the horrific actions ordered by war criminal Vladimir Putin. I join the world to #StandWithUkraine. A good list of places to donate to help Ukrainians is https://elsa.org/help_for_ukraine.