MUNCIE – Local toddler Mikey, known for hating all food put in front of him except Life cereal and diced hot dogs, surprised all of America when he ate vegetables today. Mikey carefully studied the chopped up boiled broccoli and brussel sprouts in front of him, cautiously placed a tiny portion on his spoon, took in into his cute mouth, and paused. After chewing it, he shoveled half the small bowl’s contents into his tiny pie hole and banged his fists on the table in approval of his mother’s attempt to improve his diet.
“Mmlurggh!” he said in excitement as his friends, nursery school graduates Sammy and Joanie witnessed this historic event with looks of astonishment.
“He likes it! Mikey likes it!”, squealed Sammy with delight. Joanie looked at the spam and overcooked baby carrots on her plate with disgust and whispered to Sammy, “I bet Mikey won’t eat this shit!” She bided her time until Mikey’s mom started doing the dishes then slowly and silently slid her plate of food not fit for a dog down to Mikey. A horrified Joanie was transfixed on Mikey as he stirred it all together then scarfed down every last morsel of his oddly colored creation.
“You all finished your lunch! You’ve earned your dessert!”, beamed Mikey’s mom, setting down a bowl of green tea soy non-dairy frozen dessert in front of each of them. Sammy and Joanie simply stared at the melting abomination before them. Sammy, feigning a full tummy, squirmed to get out of his seat and ran away, with Joanie not far behind.
Meanwhile, Mikey threw his dish of the greenish semi-soft goo on the floor, started wailing when he heard his favorite Little Mermaid bowl smash to bits on the tile, and vomited his nutritious lunch all over his mother’s beautiful walnut dining table.