WASHINGTON – After Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene accused House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of using her “gazpacho police” to spy on members of Congress, their staff, and the American people, she has now set her sights on Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer’s “clam chowder police.”
Greene lambasted Schumer for using his two divisions, New England and Manhattan, against GOP senators for the same purposes as those of Pelosi’s cold soup aficionados. Greene spun a tale of how the New England group, working together with their region’s world famous liberal universities, Harvard and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), are developing ingestible microchips to spy on the activities of those who eat them. The devices would be embedded in the oyster crackers that are traditionally scattered on top of the creamy, rich clam chowder favored by New Englanders. A targeted beam from Jewish space lasers would then be used to activate the microchips, she claimed.
Schumer is also directing the New York group, according to Greene, in their “Manhattan Project,” which will insert the microchips in the potato cubes that are essential to the savory tomato-based broth used in its version of clam chowder. Greene proposed that the lasers must be adjusted to compensate for the soup’s Communist-red color.
When asked for evidence, Greene explained that the Senate dining room frequently offers either New England or Manhattan clam chowder on its menu. She also noted that the beams from Jewish space lasers, invisible to the human eye, could heat the chowder to temperatures high enough to burn the roofs of the mouths of Senators.
Greene suggested to her colleagues that there are no minestrone police, so that delicious soup is safe to consume.