CAMBRIDGE – Principal and founder John Dewey of law firm Dewey, Cheatham & Howe is astonished as to why they haven’t been able to secure a single client since they established their practice two years ago. Their plush office, only footsteps from prestigious and world renowned Harvard University and upstairs from the World’s Only Curious George Store, occupies a prime location according to Dewey.

In an interview with the Cambridge Chronicle, Dewey stressed that the fundamental belief underlying their firm is honesty in dealing with their clients.

“The furthest thing from our minds is to cheat them,” added partner Jane Cheatham. “Don’t you agree, Andy?”

“And how!” exclaimed Andrew Howe, the junior partner in the firm.

Dewey was confounded that their sponsorship of Car Talk on NPR didn’t have clients beating down their doors over the dishonest and deceitful mechanics alluded to on the show. Dewey proudly proclaimed that they give all their clients “a quote for our work that you can depend on to be fair and reasonable. That’s what the name Dewey, Cheatham & Howe stands for.”

Cheatham announced she is leaving effective tomorrow after not having made a cent since joining the firm. Dewey reported that Cheatham would be replaced by Harvard Law School graduate Abigail Flesum.

“Maybe a young, fresh-out-of-school partner is what we need to revitalize ourselves,” Dewey mused. “Dewey, Flesum and Howe. I like the sound of that.”